WhoaCosmic
by SquirrelMoose Cometh
Summary: Tidus gets lost in 7 world while swimming and Revives Aeris on the way.Now with Sephiroth (not really, at the moment,)and Seymour, I guess...
1. Just keep swimming!

Chap 1: Just keep Swimming

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming! What do you do you swim, swim!" Tidus sang as he swam (duh!). They had found a pond on the side of the Mi'hen Highroad, and after much wheedling Auron let him swim. He immediately started swimming down, since he could breathe underwater and didn't know what water pressure was.

Now, as Tidus was swimming downward, he saw something else (his eyes weren't bothered either). It turned out to be a body.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!" Tidus screamed. He took a fresh breath of um…water and went over to it. He started poking it with his sword.

"Yep. It's dead." He stated. "Oh! Here, have a corpse nummy!"

He dug into his pocket and found what he needed. Tidus threw a Phoenix Down and missed.

"Consarn it! Okay, here goes." He threw it again and the item and it majestically landed on…a rock, which then swam away.

"Oooooookaaay."

Finally he just dropped it on the corpse, which then absorbed it. The body stirred.

"Oops. Forgot. Here's an almost -dead-person nummy."

At this, he threw a Hi-Potion, which exploded into lights and sprinkled on her.

"Did you revive me?" she asked.

"Sure did. May I say, you're hot for a corpse. I'm Tidus."

"Um…thank you?"

"What's your sign… I mean name?" Tidus asked.

"Aeris."

A/N: And so it begins. Oh yeah, review because this is my first fic and it won't get better unless you do. Next will be longer. Cheese is good.


	2. Wakka's got problems

Chap 1: Just keep Swimming

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming! What do you do you swim, swim!" Tidus sang as he swam (duh!). They had found a pond on the side of the Mi'hen Highroad, and after much wheedling Auron let him swim. He immediately started swimming down, since he could breathe underwater and didn't know what water pressure was.

Now, as Tidus was swimming downward, he saw something else (his eyes weren't bothered either). It turned out to be a body.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!" Tidus screamed. He took a fresh breath of um…water and went over to it. He started poking it with his sword.

"Yep. It's dead." He stated. "Oh! Here, have a corpse nummy!"

He dug into his pocket and found what he needed. Tidus threw a Phoenix Down and missed.

"Consarn it! Okay, here goes." He threw it again and the item and it majestically landed on…a rock, which then swam away.

"Oooooookaaay."

Finally he just dropped it on the corpse, which then absorbed it. The body stirred.

"Oops. Forgot. Here's an almost -dead-person nummy."

At this, he threw a Hi-Potion, which exploded into lights and sprinkled on her.

"Did you revive me?" she asked.

"Sure did. May I say, you're hot for a corpse. I'm Tidus."

"Um…thank you?"

"What's your sign… I mean name?" Tidus asked.

"Aeris."

A/N: And so it begins. Oh yeah, review because this is my first fic and it won't get better unless you do. Next will be longer. Cheese is good.

A/N: Well, guess people _do _like it. Oh and Aeris can breathe underwater because…..she's an Anciet! Yeah, that works. Oh well. ONWARD!!!!

Disclaimer: Still own nothing, so stop rubbing it in!

"Okay Tidus, can you tell me which way up is?"

"Sure! It's that way. Maybe. Uh…I'm gonna go chase the rockokaybye!"

"Wow. Never thought I'd see that."

So they continued on each other's way. Tidus was actually chasing the rock, not making an excuse to get away. Eventually he saw a light.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Pretty light….. Better touch it." Tidus's head broke the water.

"Wow! What a salty pond! And so ginormous!" He swam to the nearby shore to discover a bright orange plane. As he approached, what looked like a red dragon attacked.

"Bring it, stupid-head!" Tidus and the monster began to duke it out. Tidus was taking his time deciding what to do, the dragon suddenly charged.

"HEY!!! IT'S NOT YOUR TURN!!! WHILE I'M THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO DO, YOU CAN'T DO NUTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tidus screeched(as if yelling at a monster could do anything). Then he retaliated, doing a grand total of…..265.

Meanwhile Aeris was swimming in the opposite direction.

"_Why am I in water? And how come it feels my spine may be missing?" _she thought. Then it all became clear. Cloud had been pelvic thrusting in her direction when Sephiroth came down and somehow angled his sword to go in her back horizontally while he jumped down looking extremely cool. Then she vaguely remembered being set in water, then death.

Then realization hit her and she saw for the first time how stupid Cloud was. She knew he was "special", but this was too bad. The idiot had overreacted and thought she was gone forever, when a simple phoenix-down used by any "special" person could've done the trick( That Tidus was the perfect example).

"CLOUD!!! YOU STUPID IDIOT!!! I HOPE YOU LIVE YOUR LAST DAYS IN PEACE, BECAUSE WHEN I FIND YOU, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY OF YOU LEFT EXPECT THE BONES WHICH NANAKI ENJOYS!!!!!!!!"

After this oath of vengeance in bubbles, Aeris was aware of being lifted again(she didn't posses Tidus's eye films, and so did not see the light).

"Hey, Lulu I found a body, ya?"

"Wakka, why did you say that as a question?"

"I dunno. I got problems."

"Yes you do."

Aeris decided rather quickly that it was better safe than sorry. She snapped open her eyes, jumped away from a rather square-headed man, and smacked him on the head with the staff.

SNAP!

Aeris's eyes became wide with horror as the square man's hair enveloped the staff and began to eat it. Not even Cloud's hair did that. Yet.

Tidus had been fighting the monster for a while, and never failed to accuse it of cheating. Suddenly, some people appeared over the hill and in the woods(First person to recognize the pun gets bonus points). A spiky-headed blonde broke away from the rest, and then produced a stick of dynamite from nowhere. He lit it on his cigarette and launched it into the middle of them. Tidus watched as the dynamite exploded. The last words Tidus heard were, "Damn it!!"

A/N: Woo! Pitiful attempt at cliffhanger! Okay, review and critisize positively if you can. Now go!


	3. Mr Angsty

A/N: I'm sorry about the mix up last chapter with the scrolling. I think I fixed it….anyway, if you're wondering about the pelvic thrusts, in the place where Aeris is praying, and Cloud is having seizures, you can push the control pad and he will do stuff. When he has his sword up all the way, you push up and he does it. Sorry if that took long. On with the story. And someone saw the pun last chapter, YAY!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned that is already owned, probably Squaresoft/enix does.

"Well, Wakka I think she is alive after all." Lulu said. "What's your name?"

"Aeris. Will I ever get my staff back?"

"No."

"Damn."

"Hey, Lulu, she should come with us!" Wakka said.

"Why?"

"'Cause."

"It is for her to decide." Lulu told him.

"Okay. I'll come." Aeris said. So they set off down the path. Suddenly, Wakka became jumpy. Aeris wasn't concerned, mostly because Wakka also seemed "special". When Lulu started to seem on edge, then she got worried.

"Fiends."

A dog and a rock with arms came onto the path. Wakka threw a ball at it, which bounced off and hit him on the head.

"That's your weapon? A funny lookin' soccer ball?" Aeris asked Wakka.

"Let's see you do better, ya?"

"Watch."

Tidus looked up. Then he saw someone who could help.

"Auron!! I got attacked by a dragon so I hit it and it lived, so I was thinking about what to do when it cheated and hit me! And it kept cheating until a grizzled blonde man threw dynamite and I ……..wait. You're not Auron! You just stole his clothes!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH AURON YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!!" Tidus screamed in his cracky voice. He then was lifted to the ground by something shiny that he wanted to touch.

"Look, can you just leave?" A guy whose blonde hair resembled a unicorn asked.

"Who are you guys?"

"If you'll leave I'll gladly tell you. I'm Cloud. The old guy what threw the dynamite at you is Cid,

"HEY!! I'm actually younger than Barret, and Mr. Angsty is at least 50 by my math!!!!!" Cid argued.

Cloud ignored him. "The man with the gun-arm is Barret, Auron is actually Vincent, and the girl with the pointy-metal thing is Yuffie. There is the cat, Nanaki, the Cait-Mog is Cait-Sith, and she is Tifa. That's it. Now LEAVE."

Then Tidus asked something else. "What'cha doin'?"

Cloud sighed. "We're fighting Sephiroth to avenge Aeris's death, mine and Tifa's hometown, and to save the planet."

"C'mon!! This ain't going no damn place!" Cid screamed.

Tidus gasped. "You said a potty-word!! You sir, are a bad man!"

Nanaki walked by. "Suck it up pansy." And with that all of them walked toward the airplane. Tidus wondered how they were all going to fit. Then he made a startling discovery. _They are warrior clowns! I must stay to learn their secrets!_ He thought.

"Wait!"

Aeris pulled out her other staff from space. She leaped at the dog and whacked it's spine. When the dog exploded into balls of light, she jumped back.

"WHOA, ya?" Wakka shouted before he was killed dead by the rock, which then exploded because Aeris used Fire2.

"Well that's what he gets." Lulu sighed. "Aeris, would you like to help drag him?"

"You really hate him, don't you?'

"Of course I do."

So they dragged Wakka along through many "shortcuts" filled with rocks and glass that Lulu found. They eventually found everyone. Aeris noticed one also had a staff, though it looked different. There was also a tall, blue version of Nanaki, and an old man with a gigantic sword and a jug of what Aeris guessed was moonshine.

"Auron. We didn't find Tidus, but we did find this girl, Aeris. Wakka died."

Auron then said something that Aeris didn't really expect. "We leave at dawn. If Tidus doesn't show uo, tough cookies. Yuna, revive Wakka."

"Ok." Yuna said. She pointed her staff at Wakka, and to everyone's dismay, he got up.

A/N: Okay, that's it! You know, I actually do like Wakka, he's just an easy target. And Zack's and Cloud's hair would eat the staff too, they just never got the chance. Now please review because it really does help!


	4. Warrior Clowns and Seymour

A/N: Thanks to caffinated beverages, I'm updating again!!!!! And I got no questions from reviews so far, so here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I still own nothing in the story! Sheesh, you'd think even the people who need to read these would get tired with this. But I'll keep doing it because this will leave if I don't.

"You guys gotta let me come, I got nowhere to go!! I fight _and _tell jokes!"

"No."

"I'll leave if I can come with you."

"That doesn't make sense."

Then Tifa pulled Cloud aside. "Look. He's gonna die his first fight. Let him come."

"That's oddly sadistic, but it works!" Cloud then turned back to Tidus. "Okay, you can come."

"YIPPEE!" Tidus eagerly hopped on.

Aeris didn't have to worry about begging. Everyone just assumed that because she had a staff, she was a summoner, so Auron had agreed to let her come with them (Hey, it works, kinda). They were traveling down the path when they came to a part that was closed off for what the guards called, "Operation Mi'hen".

Then something very strange came down the path. It at first looked like a moose that just learned how to dress itself and failed miserably. When she looked closer, it looked more like a human.

"Hello, Lady Yuna. Oh, is this a new companion?" It could talk. "I am Seymour Guado, a maester of Yevon. Who are you?"

Aeris had no idea what Yevon, guado, or maesters were, but if they were all like this, she was already scarred for life. But she was still polite, somehow.

"My name is Aeris."

"It is nice to meet you. However, Lady Yuna, you seem troubled. Can I be of some service?"

"Well……..um……" Yuna said in her annoying breathless voice. She looked at the guards.

"I see. Hey, guards, let the summoner pass. Meet me at the command center." Then he left.

"Um……was he talking to us or the guards?" Aeris asked.

"You." Everyone jumped when Seymour reappeared. So with that, they all headed down the road. Clasko told them to go some different way because he is also "special", but not before him and Wakka talked about some stange and stupid things.

"Really Wakka, that conversation about why pickles taste the way they do was much longer than it needed to be." Lulu said as they neared the center.

"I just always wondered. Thought he'd know, ya?"

"Why?"

Wakka shrugged. However, they had now got to the command center.

It had been a stupid mistake. But he didn't do it. They had been going along when Cid asked where Sephiroth went. Cloud said he saw him skip up some spikes at the Ancient place. Cid then yelled some words that Tidus didn't know but planned to look up later. So now they were back where they started. Tidus got to show off with his freakish sense of balance, then discovered that Barret could really move when he wanted to and was up much more quickly than he thought. When he recovered, he stared in amazement at what he saw.

"What you starin' at, punk?" Barret asked.

"Can you teach me to tie a ballon animal?" Tidus asked back.

"Wha?"

"It's a warrior clown trick, isn't it?"

"You high?"

"You guys are warrior clowns, right?"

At this Barret laughed so hard he hyperventilated and passed out. When he woke up, he asked a simple question.

"What are you smokin'? And what are warrior clowns anyway?"

"You mean you're not?"

"No."

"Oh. Okay." Tidus continued onward.

A/N: Well, that's it. I ain't good at cliffhangers, so I'm not gonna try. You know what to do whether you liked it or not. REVIEW!Okay. Caffiene's gone.


	5. sugar pants and Suave

A/N: Well, here we are again. I got nothing to say, except this chapter should be a bit longer. No rambling today!!!

Disclaimer: I…….still……..own………nothing………………!

Aeris was, once again, severely disturbed. She had been watching the horrible slaughter of the mission with Yuna when Seymour came up behind them. Then he sang quietly a well thought out song to the to of "Rico Suave". Aeris listened in on his horrible creation. She noticed that whenever he said Seymour, he looked at her. When he said guado, he looked at Yuna. About halfway through, he rapped/sang, "There's not an aeon around that can handle a man like me, that's why I banish two or three."

"Did you say aeon?" she asked.

"Did I? Really? Oh, I meant fiend. My fault……..YOU HEARD ME?"

Aeris nodded. Then Yuna screamed in that annoying breathless voice, " Everyone…Stand back….I'll summon!" The yelling made it worse.

Seymour winked at her. Then he went up to Yuna and said in a much deeper voice, "You can't!"

But she did anyway. Then Aeris came to a quite obvious conclusion. _He's hitting on us……_

After some walking, Tidus and company came to a town. Apparently, the only way through was by snowboarding down a hill with a map. An old man told them so, and with their fading memories, can always be trusted. They all split up to steal the snowboards and map from other old people. As they neared the hill, a girl in a suit and two soldier-like guys stopped them.

"Halt!" the girl screamed.

"Anything for you, sugar pants." Tidus said in what he thought was a suave voice.

"Out of the way, Elena." Cloud said, ignoring Tidus.

"No. You all need to pay for Tseng's death."

_Dang! Oh…….wait. If the dude is dead, she's free!!!!!!!_ Tidus thought.

"Sephiroth killed him! Not us!" Cid yelled.

"I'm going to harm and torture all of you!" she yelled back.

"You can harm me anytime sugar pants." Tidus tried again.

"And I am going to kill you." Elena said, pointing at Tidus.

"You can kill me anytime, cheese head."

Operation Mi'hen saddened Aeris. However, she now hated every single Yevon thing. As soon as it was over, all of the leeches came out, saw her, and asked her to perform the sending. When she told them that she didn't know what that was, they called her "BLASPHEMER!!!!"(Man I like that word.) Eventually she came upon Wakka preaching to the Crusaders about Yevon. Though it was Wakka, she actually came to know more about Yevon. But she still couldn't figure out why Seymour was hitting on her and Yuna.

_Too bad he's flaming already, otherwise I could make him cross dress. _She thought, remembering what Cloud had done with glee. Aeris then went over to Lulu to ask about the sending. She explained it to her, and Aeris left with a better understanding of stuff, but the farplane was really the lifestream.

"HehhehOW! HehhehOW!" Tidus had continued in this pattern ever since they started snowboarding. Elena had continued to threaten them, with him turning everything into an innuendo. She then punched Cloud, which meant she liked him(Tidus not Cloud). Then she walked away, and they began to snowboard!

Everything had been run into, including snow moogles, birds, men, and igloos. Then they hit the forest. Literally. In this way Tidus contributed to deforestation around the world. The others did their part as well, especially Cid and Barret. Such potty mouthing he had never heard before. After some trailblazing, (who needs turns with snow? Not I!) they came to a cliff. Cloud said jump. Tidus hated him for that. First he saw white, and was reminded of leaving Zanarkand. Then he remembered that pine needles hurt. When he woke up, he was in a tree.

"Uh…..Wonder how far we jumped." Cloud said.

A/N: Wow. Not much speaking in the second parts. Now review and read again later! "Bright eyed and bushy tailed is a squirrel on crack!"(Comedy Central comedian)


	6. FANGIRLS, ya?

A/N: Ah… the computer. How I've missed you. Those people will never bother you again. OK!!! At this point I would like to thank the person who reviewed every chapter. You know who you are. But every reviewgoodlikepopcorn!! Okay enough. ONWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Unless I do! But, alas, I do not. Especially the song "Misty Mountain Hop" by Led Zepplin.

" All right everyone! Let's mosey." Cloud said.

Tidus burst out laughing. "Mosey!? Oh, that's great. It sucks AND doesn't work!"

"You wouldn't know if it works." Cloud shot back. But they continued on, with both Cloud and Tidus calling each other dumbasses until Tifa settled it.

"YOU'RE BOTH DUMBASSES!!!!!!"

"Okay." Then they both slunk away. Tidus stayed in the back. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the trees. _I hope it's a chipmunk! _He thought. _They're so cute!_ But what he saw next was not what he expected, and far from a chipmunk.

A tall, silver-haired man came out. Tidus noticed he had a swoopy sword, not a thunky one like Auron or Cloud's. He looked like he could use it too.

"Hello Stri-oh. Excuse me, where is Cloud?" he asked.

"Up ahead."

"Thank you." And with that, he left. Tidus ran ahead. The man had now stopped everyone.

"Hello Strife. Lovely day for death, isn't it?"

"Sephiroth! You're gonna pay for my hometown, and uh…….all the other stuff that I can't remember!!" Cloud yelled.

Then there was a rumbling sound. The ground started to shake.

"You got lucky Cloud! Now help me or die." Sephiroth said as he charged over the hill into what appeared to be an army. Then Tidus saw what it was and knew that it was bad.

"C'mon. Fangirls are the real threat today. They'll kill me for killing Sephiroth, and anyone who stops them." Cloud said.

As they got nearer, Tidus saw that these weren't normal fangirls. These ones were foaming at the mouth. They seemed to be the Uruk-hi of them. The fighting went one, with Sephiroth hitting everything in reach.

As they fought, Vincent spoke. "Weapons of the normal disposition cannot harm them! Their numbers are too great! The time for flying is now!" he said in a very elfish way. He was right, the fangirls were immune to sword, explosive, and shotgun.

Then something odd happened. First, a fangirl ran by yelling, "CID!!!" "What the hell?!" Cid cursed, though he pulled out his spear and joined the fight.

"Wait!" Nonacid screamed, "I want to maul!" he then ran after Cid. Everyone else soon followed him. They were fighting(Tifa even saw a fandude, and quickly decked him) when Vincent became so angry he showed emotion.

"DIDN'T YOU FREAKS HEAR ME???? I SAID RUN!!!"

"Oh." So they all ran away, leaving Sephiroth behind. He had bloodlust in his eyes.

They began to hike. Tidus was leading them in singing "Misty Mountain Hop", by Led Zepplin.

"Walkin' in the park just the other day baby

Wha' do ya think I saw?

Crowds of people sittin' on the grass with flowers in their hair said

They asked us to stay for tea, and have some fun….."

Everyone was singing except Yuffie, oddly enough(Vincent singing….picture it). Then Tidus became extremely loopy, and the darkness came over his eyes.

"Shoopuff?" Aeris asked. They had gottened to the Moonflow.

"It's the only way across, ya?" Wakka said. She looked in doubt at the elephippo.

"Alright." So they all climbed aboard the shoopuff. About halfway across, Wakka said, "Lookie." He had skewered his blitzball on his hair and was taking great pride in the fact that he could balance it.

A/N: Okay that was a LOT of Tidus, and the chapters are still short, but I promise next chapter will be more Aeris. Oh and anyone who does like Sephiroth, Cloud, Vincent, Tidus, or even Cid, please keep reading. Okay I'm done. And I curse power outages.


	7. Tromell and SeymourNOT IN THAT WAY sicko...

A/N: You know, this may be the longest I've gone without updating. Oh, and last chapter, Nonacid was actually Nanaki. The computer just changed it. And I haven't been able to edit it recently. Okay, now for the mostly Aeris chapter!

Auron stood up. So did Yuna.

"Sit down!" he ordered.

"Sorry!"

Some weird mask guys took Yuna away. Then they came behind Aeris. They weren't that quiet, and paused for awhile before she smashed their skulls, resulting in horrible, horrible, surgery. Wakka was getting ready to dive down after her. _At least he's not completely useless, _she thought. However, there were easier ways.

"Lulu, can you use the most powerful thunder spell you know on the water?" she asked.

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Aeris used THUNDER2 and coordinated neatly with Lulu using Thundara. The Al Bhed surprisingly aren't that bright, as a machine in water conducts electric type things really goodly. Soon enough, the little bubble thing carried Yuna up to the surface, where she was quickly removed.

"Ish ebulybudy ok?" the Hypello asked.

"Fine and dandy, Jar-Jar." Aeris replied sarcastically.

"Whatsh did you shay?"

"We're good!"

And then they continued on, with the only interesting part being when Auron's head caught fire because Lulu was "practicing". They got off and headed toward Guadosalam. Aeris didn't now _why_ they had to go, just because Seymour told them to. They were all crossing the bridge by the woods and saw a body. Of course, they all ignored it as if finding a corpse was normal. Then it spoke.

"Big meanies!!!"

The corpse promptly got up, removed its outer coating, and introduced itself as Rikku. Then things happened to quickly for Aeris. Suddenly, Rikku was a guardian because she was Yuna's cousin, who happened to be part Al-Bhed. When Auron and Wakka were told this, Aeris found out why there were so many Aurikku fanfics. Auron told her to look into his eyes. Once again, Aeris wondered, "_why?"_

They all got to Guadosalam and were greeted by what looked like Seymour's mini-moose.

"Hello, I am Tromell, Seymour's adviser. It has been to long since we've had guests, though it is probably due to our _extreme_ obnoxiousness." He said.

Aeris thought he hit the nail on the head with that statement. They were led into Seymour's room thing, which had fruit piled to the ceiling, instead of being put in decorative bowls. Then the Tromell thing started to speak again.

"Lord Seymour is the leader of the guado and a maester of Yevon. He is the child of a woman and guado. He will bind our two races together. But that is not all, I think. He will be a shining star, that will light the way for all of Spira." He then leaned closer and whispered, "When you see him, could you tell him I read exactly what the card said? Please?"

Aeris thought about this. Guado and human? There must have been some serious alcohol there. Then Seymour entered.

"That's enough, Tromell. So pleased you could all come. Follow me." He led them to a room with lots of stars. It felt like they were flying. Wakka and Rikku made noises at the lights.

"Pretty lights, ya?" was what was said mostly. But, of course, Seymour had begun to talk again.

"She once lived in this metropolis."

"She who?" Yuna asked.

"And what metropolis?" Aeris said.

"Oops. My mistake." Seymour snapped his fingernails, and they were in a train station.

"Zanarkand, as it was a 1000 years ago." He explained. He snapped them again, and now they were in a room with a scantily clad woman.

"Lady Yunalesca!" Yuna gasped.

"Correct. The first Summoner to defeat Sin. But, she did not do it alone. Her husband, Lord Zaon, gave her strength." At this, a man with a bird on his head walked in. He appeared to comfort Yunalesca.

Then Seymour leaned down and whispered something into Yuna's ear. She looked at him, and he nodded. She ran over to Auron and swiped his moonshine.

"HEY!!!!!" he screamed. But she didn't pay attention. She downed it in one chug.

"Wow! Your face is beat red!" Rikku exclaimed.

"Wha' happened?" asked Wakka.

"He……asked me to marry him."

Tidus had just finished singing for the twenty-third time in the hike.

"Getting' lightheaded. Good, no more heavy head to carry." He observed.

He was about to sing again when the darkness came over his eyes.

A/N: There you go, the longest chapter yet! I didn't like writing the shoopuf part though. Oh, and if you name everyone on 7 after their nemesis, like naming Cloud Sephiroth or Barret Rufus, then some interesting sentences come out. Points for whoever guesses the book where the darkness thing is from! REVIEW!!


	8. The Farplane and the Glacier

A/N: Why don't my marks in between viewpoints show up!!? Oh well, I'll make a different one!! And the darkness is used a lot in _The Iliad_. You know, Trojan War and what not. And now, chapter……..8!!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, especially "The Ocean", because Led Zepplin does. But it would be nice if I did.

When the darkness's mother kicked it out, the darkness left and Tidus woke up. They were in a small cabin, and a mustached man was in a corner.

"Where are we?" Cloud asked.

"My cabin. You should be more careful next time, or the lack of oxygen will get you."

"Lucretia used to pass out. I was unable to protect her, and as punishment for my sins, I can no longer be knocked out." Vincent said. Everyone scooted a little farther away from him.

"But, you just were out cold." Argued the man.

"I was sleeping, to atone for my many sins."

"Why would you sleep then? Everyone would've died if I hadn't come along."

"Just shut-up, okay? Tell us your life story or something……..Lucretia used to…." Vincent continued to reminisce further. The man actually did begin to tell them a story. While everyone else was paying close attention, Tidus wondered about more important things.

"_I wonder what would happen if I petted Nanaki the wrong way."_ He giggled about the reaction the orange kitty would have. Unfortunately, he apparently laughed right when the man said his partner cut his rope.

"Umm…..I find the death of lifelong friends amusing?" Tidus thought this was the best excuse ever. It actually was, but just because he was him. The man started explaining important things about how to survive, so Tidus zoned back out.

"Well….that's certainly more interesting than I thought it would be." Aeris said.

Auron looked over at Seymour. "That's just creepy."

"But even so, the actors must play their parts." Seymour retorted.

"I didn't even mention actors."

Then Seymour thought of the best comeback ever.

"So?"

"Yuna will consider your proposal and come back later."

"Okay. I await your favorable reply." Seymour said with confidence. So they all left eagerly.

"Wha'cha gonna do, ya?" asked Wakka.

" I will consult my parents on the farplane." Yuna said. Aeris followed them through the hall. When they all reached the portal like thing to the farplane, she realized something.

"Isn't that where the little balls of light go to when you send something? And we're going there too? How's that work?" she asked.

"Who know?" Kimari answered.

"Enjoy yourselves. I've got a little catching up to do with an old friend." Auron said as he uncorked his booze.

"Didn't Yuna just drink all of that?"

But Auron had a good answer to that. "Guado potions _goood_."

"Make sure you give some to me!!" Rikku chirped.

"You're not going either?"

"Nope."

Aeris let out a sigh of relief. Rikku should not be around dead things. So they all advanced through the cosmic looking portal to dead land. Everyone went off to his or her own corners. Wakka seemed to be conversing with a guy whose face was a little like that Tidus dude who revived her.

"That guy I told you about? I gave him your sword. He liked it, but then he died, ya?" Wakka said happily. Yuna was talking to her parents. Well, she was really just looking at them. Aeris never knew Yuna's mom died. She had been told that the dad died, but no one ever said anything. She had just appeared there. No explanation. Just there. Then they left to the real world again.

"Singin' in the sunshine, laughin' in the rain. Drinkin' all the moonshine, rollin' in the grain! OOOOooooo!!" Rikku and Auron sang "The Ocean" by Led Zepplin in a drunken, happy tune.

"Hey, look!! It's Jyscal!!" Auron shouted in a drunken, happy slur. Then he started to hurt. "Owwwww……." He mumbled.

More guado arrived at the scene. One of them spoke to the flickering guy like a dog. "Lord Jyscal!! Get back in there immediately. I have a news paper!!!" he threatened.

"Yuna, send him." Lulu commanded while supporting a loopy Rikku.

"Okay." Yuna waved her staff in his ace and he left.

Tidus was climbing the glacier when he saw something odd. A small, pink elephant with a black box with a pink number on it. As he got colder, it went down. When he got warmer, the number went up. He ignored it and continued onward.

"I don't get it. We have fire materia, why not make a fire?" he asked.

"Because Klepto the clown would steal it." Cloud indicated Yuffie.

"The fire or the materia?" Tidus asked again.

"Both, if she could."

A/N: Okay, I don't have anything to say except to review and ………..is that a shoe I spy? Hey, longest chapter yet!!


	9. exploding cows

A/N: Another chapter. Nothing to say except review.

Disclaimer: Own nothing. Square probably does.

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"Nyahaha!!!" Tidus laughed insanely. He ran into the glowy wind again. He thought he deserved some fun after the freakin' glacier. The only not fun part was the monster he had to fight every single time the wind hit him. It wasn't hard, just annoying. Then, everyone else pushed forward through the wind. The scene that greeted them next Tidus found verrrrrrrrrrrry funny. All the dudes with the black on kept DYING!!!!! It was hilarious. Then Sephiroth drooped down and sliced him with the sword. Cloud turned his head up. He kept looking up steadily, then jerking his head down quickly for some reason.

"Jenova!" he gasped.

"What's a Jenova?" Tidus asked. He soon had his answer.

A giant purple-reddish thing came down from the sky. It made these weird-gasping noises. It screamed its battle cry of "BLARRRRRGH!" and charged. It was a real pain, like most of the stupid Jenova fights (A/N: I have never understood why it can't just stay dead. It's like Seymour that way, and that's not good.) After they defeated it, Cloud took something out.

"Barret, keep track of the Black Materia."

"Yo, man why me?"

"Because." And with Cloud's simple excuse, they walked off.

"Why's it white?" Tidus asked.

"Sephiroth is trying to show us an illusion. To confuse us." Cloud said.

Then they appeared in Nibelheim. Sephiroth marched up beside them and talked to the young, mulleted, boy wearing Cloud's clothes behind them.

"Sephiroth, I know I was there in Nibelheim 5 years ago. This is just stupid." Cloud shouted to nobody.

It turned white again. Tidus saw the town burning, and the mullet thing ran out of the burning building and helped an old guy. Tidus, having not seen the flashback, thought it looked cool. And that it was odd that a sword could start a fire.

Sephiroth appeared beside them.

"I won't give in. I know I was there. I felt the pain of the flames, and in my heart." Cloud said. Tidus threw up before speaking. "That….was…..cheesy.", was all he had to say. But, he was ignored.

Sephiroth kept cool, though it was hard not for him to be, because he was him. "Now where is that picture? You remember, right Tifa?"

"OH! OH!" Tidus shouted. "The corpse has it, right?" He pointed down to the dead man next to him.

"Actually, yes. It really turned out quite well. Wanna see?" he held the picture out. Cloud took it.

"Cloud, just don't look, okay?" Tifa said with an edge in her voice.

"It's okay Tifa. I know what to expect." And he turned his head to look at it. Tidus looked over his shoulder. He had to admit, it did come out well. Sephiroth and Tifa were standing next to each other. She was looking out of the corner of her eye at him. On the other side was the black-haired thing again.

"Just what I expected." Cloud said in a bored tone.

"Oh… There's another thing I should say before we go on." Sephiroth said. "I didn't start the fire. I just hit a cow, which then exploded. Then all the villagers came up to me and started shouting stuff about how I was bad because I explode cows. Then they all started to attack me, so I defended myself. Okay, back to the plot. Ask Tifa about it."

"The cows or if I was there?"

"The second one."

"It's true, Cloud. You really didn't come to Nibelheim 5 years ago," Tifa said.

"I can just smell the twist!" Tidus shouted.

Cloud glared at him. "I know I did. I went to your house, and your room, and even played piano!! I came in to kill the monsters as a SOLDIER, 1st class! Wait, how did I get in SOLDIER?"

He fell to his knees and began to shake his head violently with his hands.

"How do you DO that? I wanna try!!" Tidus tried to emulate (Big word) Cloud's movements, but only managed to relive the odd feeling he had on the glacier.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"I will marry him, for the good of Spira." Yuna decided. They all let her go alone into Seymour's room (BIGGG mistake) to tell him her answer. Aeris walked around for a bit and saw the annoying acolyte woman approach her.

"Where's Lady Yuna?" she asked.

"Seymour's apartment-thing."

"But he is at Macalania temple."

"Okay."

The stupid Yevonite walked away. Aeris continued to wander aimlessly until she thought of something. _The others will want to chase him. Guess I got to tell them._

"So he's at the next temple."

"Then we follow." Auron walked down a small tunnel.

"I'm sorry, but there is a terrible storm outside." The small guado told them.

"There is always a storm." Auron brushed buy him and they all continued onward.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: So there is chapter 9. Do what you normally do, as long as it involves reviews. Typing semi-long chapters is hard at night.


	10. Dancing on the Ceiling

A/N: Woot!!! The break lines show up!!!! It's been a while since I updated, but that's because of vacation. And to anyone who wonders about the plot, it's the plot of both games. If there is a plot, that is. ONWARD!!!!

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"So, why are we walking across an open field during a storm? Why not wait for it to stop?" Aeris asked.

"Yeah!! What she said." Rikku echoed.

"It never stops."

"Don't try and pull that on me. I've seen the drugged up sequel to this one, and the quiet girl who becomes a skank makes it stop by singing." Aeris pointed at Yuna.

"What? Yuna's the opposite of skank, and wouldn't alter the weather with her voice. She isn't a Disney princess ya know. And how can you see into the future?" With this, Auron led them across the field/plains.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Barret!! Come quick!! Cloud's in trouble and needs help!!" Tifa yelled.

"Why would he need the help of someone who ain't in his party?"

"Just go!"

"Right! If he's bein' weird, I'll go upside that spiky-headed punk' s head!"

"Yeah… you do that."

Barret rushed by Tifa. She watched him go, and turned to the camera. "And don't forget the Black Materia!"

She turned into Sephiroth, and everyone jumps because they are startled by his mad cross-dressing skills.

"Yo Cloud! Got the Black Materia just like you asked!" Barret barged in on the conversation all the Shinra people were having.

"Thanks Barret. Give it to me." Cloud said in a somewhat creepy voice.

"Sure man. I was getttin' kinda nervous holding' it anyway."

Cloud took the materia and flew up to the ceiling, where he sat all hunched up.

"What's a materia?" Tidus asked. But everyone ignored him.

"Ha comma ha comma ha dot dot dot!" Hojo laughed insanely. "What number were you?" he called up to Cloud.

"I didn't have a number. Please, give me one." Cloud called down.

"Oh, you were a _failure_? Hey, failure, what happened to the other clones? Did they fail like you, _failure_?" Hojo mocked Cloud like a little boy would.

"C'mon Hojo, its not that funny. The other clones aren't even alive to hear you make fun of them." Tifa said.

"I enjoy the pain of others. Like Issue Boy over there. He's been standing in the same place as the man who took his woman, me, and hasn't done a THING!" he screeched the last word and flailed his arms wildly as he gestured to Vincent.

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"Can we rest, please?" Rikku asked. She gestured over at the hotel.

"No." Auron said.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"NO!"

"C'mon, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

"Damn it! We rest now so she'll stop. That noise she made hurt my head." Everyone agreed with Auron to stop for awhile, just for Rikku to shut up for a little. Of course, she talked in that annoying voice of hers even more once they were inside.

"Do you have a room?" Yuna asked the clerk person.

"Yes Lady. Right back there."

"Thank you." She hurried off to the back of the inn.

"Yuna isn't herself." Lulu observed.

"Hello there. May I help you?" A blond-haired tan man came in the room. He looked at everyone. He went over to Rikku.

"Hello Rikku. How are y-?" She quickly cut him off.

"No! Shh!" she whisper-yelled.

"Mmm. Can you tell me then, is that Sir Auron over there?" he asked.

"Yes it is! Do you know him?" Rikku said, now back to her usual annoying, perky ways.

The man walked over to Auron. "Auron!"

"Hello Rin." Auron answered.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"I'M CONFUSED!!!!! MY HEAD HURTS!!!!!! EXPLAIN THINGS EASILY!!!!" Tidus whined.

"Here. This will help." Tifa went over and kicked him in the side of the head, rendering him KO'd.

"That's better."

Cloud started walking over to the glowing rock in the center of the other rocks.

"Now he's giving the Materia to Sephiroth!!" Hojo screeched. (A/N: Sephiroth will now be known as Sephy for the rest of the chapter because it's really annoying to type his whole freakin' name out over and over.)

"But he isn't here." Tifa said.

"Oh yes he is. See? Any minute now that rock will fall down more. Watch." Hojo was soon proven right. The rock next to Cloud fell more, showing a Sephy that was encased inside of it and was conveniently censored so you couldn't see below his waist. Either that, or he now had no legs.

"Sephy, I'm here. And I brought you the Black Materia." Cloud said in his creepy voice.

"You know, I think there's a Lionel Ritchie song that would suit this." Barret said.

"Dancing on the Ceiling, right?" Vincent guessed.

"Yeah! That's the one!"

"Lucretia used to sing that." Vincent and Barret both began to sing the happy 80's tune and doing stupid dances like the moonwalk, or whatever you can think of, making the mood much lighter while the world came closer to Armageddon.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

AN: Okay so the singing was random. So? That makes it better. I think. I need to ponder this, so review NOW!!!!!


	11. Yay! Wedding!

A/N: Try and stop me! I have not fallen into the slump that some humor writers succumb to! I think. Anyway, I give you the newly updated story.

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing!! NOTHING!!!!!!

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Rikku pleaded.

"I can't hear you, I'm in my happy place!!" Auron shouted back as he swigged his booze.

Everyone walked along in peace. Aeris couldn't help but notice that Auron's happy place either needed to be happier, or had an excess amount of alcohol, for he continued to down his moonshine.

"Can we rest for a while?" Yuna asked.

"But we're almost out!" Rikku whined.

"Wait…… I'm sposed to say something here………..oh yeah. We rest that way!" Auron slurred.

Aeris decided to argue. Auron was drunk, it shouldn't be hard to reason with him. Or it could be harder. She tried anyway.

" I agree with Rikku somehow. We should walk the rest of the way and talk in a safer and quieter place."

"I must say this now." Yuna said.

Aeris started to argue again, but was cut off by "happy" Auron again.

"Hey, I'm like, the only cool guy in this story, so we have to do what the cool guy says. Me!" the merry alcoholic said.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 

Tidus woke up to see everyone running towards a crappy airship.

"Wait for me!"

He ran after it as it was taking off, just barely grabbing the rope as it was pulled up. Then something exploded. Tidus turned around quickly, hoping to still see some fire. But he was disappointed. It was a different explosion, the one that created monsters. When he turned back around everyone looked different. Barret was more proportional. Tifa had earrings. Nanaki was bigger, and Cid looked younger. However, Yuffie and Vincent weren't there. Soon there was another explosion and more monsters appeared.

Then everything turned white, like it always did when there was an awkward scene transition.

> > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > >

"I shall marry Seymour for the good of Spira." Yuna told them.

"Yay!! A wedding!!" Auron and Wakka cheered.

"Um… Yuna? You can do a lot better." Aeris pointed out.

"Don't mess with her. She's privileged." Auron said.

"Why is she privileged?" She asked back.

"'Cause she's getting married!!!" Auron shouted.

"And she is a summoner." Wakka said.

They started to walk out of the Thunder Plains. Kimarhi leaned down next to Aeris and said something she didn't expect to hear from him.

"Kimarhi think Yuna annoying sometimes."

"Huh?" she said.

"Kimarhi explain. When Kimarhi first bring her to Besaid, she be stupid clingy child and tell Kimarhi not to go. Kimarhi start walk anyhow, but she do thing and hold on to Kimarhi's foot. So that how Kimarhi end up on death pilgrimage." He explained.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Ding!" Tifa said from the operating room.

"Dong!" Tidus answered from the corner.

"Hey, Tifa, you're awake!" Barret said.

"Where's Rufus?"

"Out fightin' Weapon. He does have guts I guess."

Then a soldier burst into the room. "You're to be executed now." He said.

He led them down various halls.

"I'll catch up later okay?" Tidus said. The soldier nodded and left Tidus alone. However, Tidus just went to the bathroom in the corner instead of escaping.

"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. Except there is no seat." He said as he went. After finishing up, he ran ahead and joined the party.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: I just heard that tinkle thing from somewhere. Now, review!


	12. Hangover

A/N: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own not no nothing mentioned in this story, including Final Fantasy 10 and 7. Now leave!

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"Kya ha ha!" Scarlet laughed in anticipation of the execution.

"Why hello there. You smell like Frito's. That's why I'm giving you a hungry stare." Tidus said to her, using more of his bad pick-up lines and not caring how much older she was than him.

"Oh just give it up, Tidus. She's already Rufus's-" Barret was cut off in mid-sentence.

"Hey! I'm not Rufus's-" Scarlet started to yell, but then was cut off by Tidus.

"Wow, if it wasn't for us cutting each other off, this would be bleeped out because of the TV censors." He said.

"Oh well. You're going to be executed anyway, why should I care? Here, you first." Scarlet shoved Tifa in the door. She emerged about two minutes later.

"Scarlet, why the execution now?" a reporter who closely resembled a balloon asked.

"Well," She started to say, but then fell over unconscious.

The reporter balloon twirled around to reveal Cait Sith.

"You guys rescue Tifa! I'll keep watch." He said.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Owwwwwwwww!" Auron complained about his hangover.

"This way everyone." Yuna motioned toward the path.

"SHUT UP MORE!!!!!" Auron yelled at her.

They walked along the path, only fighting fiends when Auron shouted to them to walk less loud. As they neared the exit, Auron told them to stop. He then bent over and projectile vomited on the nice glass-like trees.

"Okay I'm good." He told them.

They all walked out of the forest and into the snowy landscape.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"THE DOOR AIN'T MOVING!!!!!" Barret shouted angrily.

"Okay then, let's get to the airport!" Cait Sith said.

"Why?" The other two asked.

"Jes' follow me!" Cait Sith told them

They followed him out the door and were attacked by men from SOLDIER. "I got it!" Cait Sith leaped forward and used some magic on the enemy. He didn't die though.

"Nice one Mr. Animatronics!" Tidus said sarcastically before bursting out into a fit of laughter and snorts.

"No one hit him." Was all Cait Sith said. The next turn, the SOLDIER leaped in the air and killed himself.

"How I love to manipulate people…….wait. That didn't come out right." He sighed.

They continued onward, manipulating people as they went. Eventually they saw a camera crew.

"Wait!" Tidus whispered. He looked closely at the reporter. "It's Yuffie. Do any of you like her?"

"Of course not." The other two responded matter-of-factly.

"Then here's the plan." He began to whisper his idea to them.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Lady Yuna! We were surprised you decided to come so soon," he paused and looked at everyone else, "pleasantly surprised of course." He finished.

"You will all have to wait here I'm afraid. Guado tradition." He told them.

"We're all with you, as my alcohol is with me." Auron said

Yuna nodded and went off with Tromel. Everyone was heading back to the inn to wait when Aeris spotted something truly frightening. Clasko was caring for a chocobo. _By himself. _

"Wark!" the chicken cried.

"Oh, you want me to scratch you?" Clasko asked. He reached up and scratched it behind its ear. The chocobo lifted up its leg and did the leg moving thing dogs and cats do.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tidus stealthily crawled up behind Yuffie. He then bent over. He waved his arm at Barret. He nodded and started to run. Yuffie noticed to late and Barret gave her a hearty shove. She was table-topped by Barret and Tidus. They all high-fived and did dorky dances. She was sent her sprawling over into the sea, which wasn't good because of the Weapon attack. Or was it…

"Here we are!" Cait Sith shouted joyfully.

"So now what?" Tidus asked.

"Follow me." He said.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: If I didn't have such boring teachers, I would never have ideas as fast. Don't know how I got the tabletop thing though. Oh well. Uh……….there was something else I wanted to say, but I forgot. Meh. Review please!


	13. A good day for old men

A/N: I just realized that there are about tons of places I could pick to end this. But this will not be one of them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasies 10 or 7 or any other things mentioned in this chapter already owned by someone probably with more money.

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"Everyone! Yunie's in trouble!" Rikku yelled. Everyone looked to where she was pointing. Yuna and Tromell were being circled biker style by odd tattooed men on those jet/snow ski things.

"Al Bhed!" Wakka shouted as he started to run down the slope.

Aeris had not seen an Al Bhed, except the ones from operation Mi'hen, and found it funny that they had not simply run over Tromell on the skis. It would be a favor to all, and according to Wakka, Al Bhed didn't do favors.

"We'll take care of this." Auron said.

"Thank you!" Tromell told him gleefully.

"It's not like you could've done anything anyway." Auron reassured him.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tifa stretched her head down and unlocked the left lock on her arm. The guard was stupid enough to drop the key, and deaf enough not to hear the noise the metal key made hitting a metal floor. She ran over and shut off the gas. Shinra security needed some work.

"How to get out though…" she wondered. Just then, a convenient Weapon attack exploded the wall of the chamber but did not harm anything else. Today was a good day. Tifa hopped onto the wall and started to climb down. She heard Scarlet ordering troops after her. However, they fell off to a horrible and painful death. Better them than her.

"That's as far as you go." Scarlet said from behind her. Apparently, she did not fall to death. Damn. Scarlet pulled her hand back and slapped Tifa. Tifa then slapped her back, even though a well-aimed punch could have easily taken her out.

"Run to the end of the canon…" a voice called from far away.

She decided to obey the voice that may have been in her head. Luck had been with her so far, why not do something crazy?

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Yuna tore away from Tromell, because she wanted to help. Then she realized that wasn't a good idea, since Rikku said there was going to be an anti-magic field. So she was kept out of the battle anyway, along with Aeris and Lulu, the other magic people.

Aeris didn't exactly like the idea either. Auron would probably have to do most of the battle by himself, with a little help from Wakka. However, Rikku turned out to be the smartest. She had stolen things on the Thunder Plains, and everything she used was like a good Thundara. Then the small machine broke. Score!

"Now let us take care of it." Lulu said. Eventually, the machine then was killed by an old man.

"Thank you, Ramuh!" Aeris said, tossing the red materia in the air and catching it.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"And how'd we get an airship with full crew and working things?" Tidus asked. They had followed Cait Sith, picked up Tifa in the airship, and were now floating in space somewhere.

"I don't know. Don't care neither." Barret said from the corner

"I told you. The Shinra took my airship, the Highwind, and we stole it back." Cid explained in a slow manner.

"But why are there bad pilots and engineers on here?" Tidus asked. It still didn't make sense.

"That, I don't know." Cid admitted. So everyone except Tifa waited and stood around, wondering what the men that weren't flying the ship did and where they lived.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Another chapter, typed and uploaded. You know what to do by now. REVIEW! (Wonder how long I should stretch this. Oh well.)


	14. The Second Coming

A/N: For the record, I am a dude. But I keep getting reviews that are good, which is well…good! With that being said, I give you what I'm fairly sure is chapter 14.

Disclaimer: I really need to copy these things over when I type. But, I don't own Final Fantasies 10 and 7, nor do I own any other things already owned.

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The Al Bhed turned away after his conversation with Rikku. She laughed nervously. "I told him I was Yuna's guardian," she said.

"How come you speak Al Bhed, ya?" Wakka asked. Although he had not quite picked up on things yet, the little gerbil in his brain had started to run. His thought process was only slowed down by the doots the gerbil left behind.

Then he figured it out. "You're Al Bhed too!" he gasped.

"Uh…Wakka? Everyone else knew. We thought you knew too." Aeris said.

"No one tells me anything!" Wakka pouted.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

The airship flew around randomly, looking for Cloud and also accomplishing random side-quests. Finally, a small shack gathering appeared.

"Land there. He might've washed up on shore there." Tifa said.

"OKAY MA'AM!!" the training pilot screamed. He grabbed the wheel and pushed in, landing neatly on the plains. The little victory song played and the pilot got better at flying.

They all entered the shack village, which was actually called Mideel. This was important, because there were many other shack-villages, like Corel. A little cat came up to them and rubbed against their legs. Tifa, who might've gone a little insane because she couldn't find Cloud, started to bond with the cat over being lonely. Who said the cat was lonely? It might have a family to go home to. Oh well. She overheard some old men talking.

"Washed up on the shore. Poor thing was hurt badly," one man said.

"Where did they take the person?" Tifa asked anxiously.

"Why right in the clinic-shack over there." The man pointed to a slightly larger shack in the distance.

Tifa ran into the building. "Where are your patients?" she asked.

The doctor pointed over to the other side. Sitting in a wheel chair was Cloud. Yuffie was also there, but she was on the bed, so no one noticed.

"Cloud!" Tifa shouted happily.

"Ah…Gurk!" Cloud answered her.

"Where?" Tidus left to find the Gurk Cloud told them about.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Rikku, will these move?" Auron asked.

"Didn't they just a second ago?" she told him.

"Well, yes…"

"Then they'll move now!" she shouted.

They all climbed on the machines, with Kimarhi leading. Wakka was disgusted that they were using machines and doing the smart thing and walked all the way to the temple. Aeris was riding with Rikku, who spit on him when they passed. Aeris heartily congratulated her.

Finally, the temple came into view. Everyone jumped off and let the skis fly off the cliff, should the monks see them. When they approached the temple, a monk stopped Rikku from entering. He was a lot quicker than Wakka and noticed her Al-Bhedness before she could get by. "The likes of her are not allowed in this place," he said.

"Hey, monk boy, I'll have you know that I can blow this place apart with the explosives I have. Now, will you let me through?" Rikku threatened.

"Sure, of course! All guardians are allowed in!" the monk's mood had improved greatly and he hastily opened the door to the temple.

"You know, that really didn't help our situation. People are a lot less angry when I threaten them. Therefore, I should've handled that one. I could've made a meaningful remark about being a guardian," Auron told her.

"But that was more fun!" she chirped. The happy, perky, hyper, annoying Rikku had returned.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

When Tidus returned from his hunt unsuccessful, he found Tifa kneeling next to the wheelchair. The doctors were gone, but Tidus knew that. He had seen them run by with their other patient, shouting something about a helicopter.

"Everyone…I've decided I'm going to stay and care for Cloud." Tifa announced.

"Okay, but make sure he don't die!" Barret gave her those parting words as everyone else boarded the airship.

Tidus was walking along to the cockpit when he saw a collapsed form on the floor. He ran closer to inspect the person. They looked familiar. Suddenly, the person got up and whipped out a giant shuriken.

"Hello, Tidus. Bet you thought that was funny when I fell into Weapon, didn't you?" Yuffie had returned.

"You bet!" he laughed again at how flawlessly him and Barret had pulled it off.

"Now…you…will…pay!" she lunged at him with her weapon. Unfortunately, she didn't know that Tidus was really quiet good in battle, and she was soon sprawled back on the floor, now complaining about things other than motion sickness.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: There is another chapter for you to read. If you flame me, I will read your story and flame you back. Unless I like it, then I'll review it goodly. Okay, ignore that last part. Until next chapter!


	15. Threatening Seymour

A/N: Uh…I'll try to be less repetitive repeatedly. Get it? 'Cause I said…ah, screw you if you don't get it, because then you are a dumb! Or high. Or both. Or maybe only I get it and no one else does. Oh well.

Disclaimer: I don't not no own no Final Fantasy 7 and 10.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"You know what this means, right?" said Auron. They had all finished watching Jyscal's sphere, which detailed them all about Seymour's evil. It had been quite educational. There was more to the blue, deranged moose than there seemed to be.

They all charged past a bewildered monk, who was muttering something about reporting Kimarhi. Midway through the tunnel, Wakka stopped.

"Can't believe we're fighting a master, ya?" he observed, scratching his head in reluctance.

"We protect Yuna from anyone," Auron told him.

"C'mon Wakka, you hate him to, don't you?" Aeris reasoned with him.

"No!" he protested. Lulu came up beside him.

"You really don't hate his voice? Or his hair? Or his tattoos?" she asked him.

"Well, okay I do. But, he would be considerably cooler if he had a deeper voice, ya?" he agreed.

"Yes, but he doesn't." Aeris said.

"He did in the Japanese version," Lulu pointed out. "Though, Yuna's voice was even more annoying."

"You know what's weird? Lance Bass did the voice for Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts. I also got an unfortunate voice." Aeris told them.

"What was it?" they were all curious to know what she had to deal with.

"Mandy Moore."

Everyone shuddered. Quite possibly two of the most annoying pop stars did the voices for two of the extremely cool Final Fantasy characters.

"Let's go," said Auron, already bored. He hadn't pulled out his sword for nothing, he had wanted to spill some guado guts damn it!

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tidus walked into the cockpit. "Hey guys, you'll never guess who I ran into in the hallway," he began, but was yelled at by Barret.

"Yo, be quiet man! We's listening in on a Shinra meeting!" he said. Tidus nodded and went over and put his ear on Cait-Sith.

"We've already got Huge Materia from Nibelheim! Now all we need is Fort Condor and Corel and we'll be able to make our weapon! Kyaa ha ha!" Scarlet's high-pitched shriek caused them all to lean farther back from the speaker in Cait-Sith's head.

"That's it for this meeting then," said a voice that Tidus recognized to belong to Rufus.

"Damn, what more can they do to Corel?" Barret asked in anger.

"Burn it," Tidus answered him simply. This was, of course, the entirely wrong answer to say for many reasons. First, Barret's question was rhetorical. Also, they already had burned Corel, resulting in the death of Barret's wife, and also his best friend went insane and later jumped off a cliff. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"Wha'd you say?"

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Please be silent. Lady Yuna prays to the fayth," Seymour said calmly to the new arrivals in the chamber.

"We saw Jyscal's sphere," Aeris told him.

"You killed him," Auron accused.

"Yeah, I did. But honestly, would you prefer him to me? I mean, he is, well, him!" Seymour held up a picture of his dad. Everyone shuddered again. Good thing his looks came from his human side. Just then Yuna came out of the Chamber of the Fayth.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm going to kill each of guardians, one at a time. Would you like me to kill you to?" Seymour asked nicely. Everyone then ran in front of Yuna. "Ah, of course. You mean to protect her with your lives. Don't worry, you'll use them!" he then laughed, and it actually came out threatening. He meant business.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A very battered Tidus followed Vincent and Cid into the Corel Reactor. They hopped on the next coal train and took off down the tracks. Tidus looked at the approaching train. On the back of it, there was a small pink moose with a black square on it. Inside the square were more pink numbers, much like the pink thing on the glacier had. But theses numbers read 10:00, a time, instead of temperature.

"We have 10 minutes before we crash into Corel. I remember when Lucretia used to crash…" Vincent trailed off.

"How did you know that?" Tidus asked in amazement.

"It's on the moose, man," Vincent said in a very stoned voice.

"Screw the moose! Now, when I say three, we jump on the other train. Ready," Cid went over and threw Tidus on the other train. Vincent started to ask what he was doing, but then got tossed over too.

"Three!" Cid yelled as he jumped after them.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Wow, I didn't think I could get 15 chapters out of this. Maybe if I actually wrote a chapter over 1000 words. Oh well, I write short.


	16. Sorry, I lost count This is the 16th cha...

A/N: I have received some complaints about the whole Phoenix-down thing. But, I must ask something: does anyone really care? Okay, now for the chapter to push me over 10,000 words!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7 and 10, or anything else, including "Insane in the Membrane" by Cypress Hill. Except the things I buy with my money, like my Blue Oyster Cult CD's. All two of them.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > >

"That power that defeated Anima. It will be mine!" Seymour shouted. Aeris and the gang had just defeated the tortured-sasquatch-like thing, and the battle had been going quite well for them.

"If you want a grenade, then you can buy them almost anywhere." Rikku told him. That was the power that defeated Anima, a small grenade tossed by a 15 year-old girl.

"Fine, I'll take one. How much is it?" Seymour asked.

"700 gil."

"Deal."

"Give me the gil first," she sighed. Seymour tossed her the money across the room.

"And here you go!" she had mixed the explosive with an Artic Wind she had stolen from a flan. The effect was quite interesting.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Seymour yelled.

"Weakened you severely, what else would I do?"

"Oh, I will get my revenge…" he muttered.

"Oh be quiet," Aeris ran over and smacked him with the staff. She actually did decent damage here, since there was no back row. The blow to the head had finished Seymour off nicely.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Tromel came charging into the room with two other guado. The site of Seymour neatly posing like he was doing that kick from the Karate Kid on the floor, with Auron and everyone else standing by him with their weapons drawn wasn't exactly innocent-looking.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Ha ha! Man was that easy!" Cid bragged as they left for the airship.

"But Cid, we didn't stop the train and destroyed the Corel sign. And we don't have the materia," Tidus said to him.

"Look kid, if you value your life, you'll let me enjoy my first victory as a leader," Cid threatened.

"Yes sir…" Tidus meekly responded. He walked at Vincent's side until they reached the airship.

"Next stop, Fort Condor!" Barret shouted, now pumped up to blow some Shinra heads. He made them all aware that HE was going on the next mission. Not Vincent, not Nanaki, not Yuffie or Cait-Sith, but him.

"Should we tell him?" Tidus asked, referring to the destruction of the sign of Corel.

"Kid, remember what I said about valuing your life?" Cid asked back.

"Yes…"

"Then don't tell him. Though I think a gun would be quicker than a spear."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"You killed Seymour!" Tromel yelled.

"And I think we deserve a reward," Auron said smartly.

"No you do not! I assure you, you will be tried to the full extent of the law."

"Wait!" Rikku shouted, "We can show them the sphere!"

"Oh, you mean this?" Tromel held up the blue ball and crushed it in his hand, which says a lot about the strength of giant guado hands. He then smiled maliciously.

"Lord Seymour would be most displeased if we let you get away," he snapped his fingers and the other two guado guards stepped up.

"But isn't Seymour dead?" Aeris asked.

"I think he's gone crazy-like. You know, a little "Insane in the Membrane", ya?" Wakka whispered to her.

"Move!" Auron shoved by the two bewildered guards and out of the chamber. They all followed him, though the guards were smart enough to give chase. Not like Shinra guards at all.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"BIRD!" Tidus screamed. It was especially painful, since his voice hadn't changed all the way yet and it still cracked.

"Ah jeez, would ya not do that next ta me? Gets my wires all messed up. Besides, now we're at Fort Condor," Cait-Sith said.

Tidus got lucky and was taken on his second mission in a row. He was also unlucky though, because Barret and Cid were probably the two who hated him most. Vincent was a close third, and Yuffie didn't count. They climbed up the mountain to find a bandaged man standing in their way.

"You guys should leave. It's gonna get ugly here pretty soon. Unless you want to help in our battle against Shinra?" he pleaded.

"Well, if it's Shinra then we can't ignore it. Lead the way!" Cid said enthusiastically.

"Right over here sir!" The man led them up a rope ladder and into a small room.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Chapter 17 completed! And with where I'm going to end it, there will be a 20th chapter. Maybe. But there WILL be an 18th chapter. Until then, read other worthwhile stories! But come back later.


	17. Yeti Deaths

A/N: Hehheh, updates are fun!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7 and 10. Except the copies of the game. That I bought. Not the idea though. Get it?

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Sheesh, are all of you guado track stars or something?" Aeris yelled angrily at the latest guado guard to fight them.

"Well, we don't like to brag…" the guard trailed off as he kicked the dirt in embarrassment.

"That was a rhetorical question."

"Well, it didn't _sound_ rhetorical!" the guard screamed in a whiny voice. He conjured up two monsters from the air and sent them to attack for revenge.

"Kill him first," Auron said, pointing at the guado.

"Okey-Dokey!" Wakka answered in a stupid voice. He had been knocked in the head by one of those Flying Eye things, and hadn't fully recovered from the confusion it brought with it. Therefore, he threw the blitzball at the ground, so it bounced up and nailed him in the nose. It was so perfectly done, it seemed like he did it on purpose.

"Lulu, if you wouldn't mind…" Auron sighed.

"Don't worry Auron, I'll take care of him." Lulu raised her arm and lit the guard on fire. A cruel way to kill him, slowly burning his body to ashes, but it got the job done. After that, all it took to end the battle was a well-placed spear and sword.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"So let me get this straight. We can either hire troops, let them die, and pay lots of money and fight the commander in the end anyway, or we can screw it and kill the commander when he gets to the shed," Cid said. The bandaged man had just briefed them on the mission and the instructions for getting soldiers.

"That's correct!" the man stated loudly.

"Well, I'll have to go with number B then!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to spend my &$!!ing money!" Cid screamed angrily.

The man cowered before the now red-faced smoker. "Right, sir…"

"Okay then! Let's get started!" Cid said as his face returned to its normal color.

"Uhh…Cid?" Tidus asked from the corner he had hid in during Cid's tirade.

Cid turned slowly to face Tidus. "What?" he said, sounding like his face could turn unimaginable colors at the wrong word.

"We need to have at least one thing out to start."

"Oh…here then." Cid put a small rock inside a paper cup and set it outside the shed. "Now, when they start to reach the top of the hill, you poke the cup with a stick, okay?" he explained.

"Got it sir!" Tidus shouted a little too enthusiastically.

"Why's everyone calling the 32 year-old heavy smoker who swears more than a drunk Kid-Rock 'sir' all of a sudden?" Cid wondered aloud.

"'Cause you the leader, Mr. Heavy smoker and more potty-mouthed-than-a-damn-toilet-itself, sir!" Barret yelled as he saluted with his gun-arm.

"Hey, you shouldn't be calling' people potty-mouthed Barret. You swear more than me!" Cid said modestly.

"Aw shucks man, you got to my && ing heart," Barret said as he wiped a tear from his eye.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Finally we're out of that place," Aeris gasped as they ran out of the ice-hall thing leading to Macalania. Suddenly, two more guado appeared over the hill. They put their hands to their foreheads and summoned a gigantic Yeti type thing. It hopped over the snow mound and charged them.

"Stand your ground!" Auron shouted as he unshouldered his sword and prepared to fight the Bigfoot. Aeris and Wakka joined him on either side. The Yeti was joined by the guado.

"Take them out, then go for the monster!" Auron told them. They both obeyed. When it came to killing things and battles, not many could compare to Auron. Aeris and Wakka then proceeded to beat the hell out of the two guards. They made short work of them, and the now extremely bloody guado gave the monster one last spell before one died and the other one was knocked into the oblivion by Auron using Shooting Star. Wakka darkened the monster and switched Lulu in. Aeris gave the monster a taste of Choco-Mog, and then left it for Yuna to use her more complex aeons.

Finally, when the monster seemed to be dead, it slammed its fist onto the lake ice and plummeted them into darkness. They didn't die though.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Now, tip the rock Tidus! Tip it! Tip it now!" Cid frantically shouted instructions at the 17 year-old like crazy. Tidus crawled on the ground and picked up the stick he had been saving. He reached out the window and poked the paper cup with it, and the rock slowly tumbled out and actually killed an enemy when it bounced on the ground and found its way into a wyvern's head. Cid led them in the charge outside to fight the commander, who also turned out to be a Yeti. The difference between the commander and the Snow-Yeti though was that the commander was considerably weaker.

"That takes care of that!" Cid said as he began to light a victory cigarette and rested his spear on the ground.

"Hey, you guys? Can you check the condor? There was a big flash of light just now, and we're very concerned about it," the man called from the shed. They rubbed their ears, because there really wasn't a need for him to shout, they were only two feet away, and went to see the condor.

They got to the top, and saw the condor collapse and fall down the hill.

"That must suck," Cid observed. Then they heard a small cheeping noise coming from the egg the mutated bird was sitting. A small bird poked its head out of the shell.

"We should tell them about this thing, right?" Barret asked.

"Well duh!" Cid said exasperatedly as he walked back to the base. Tidus began to follow, when he noticed a small red round ball. He picked it up and stuck it inside his armband, for safekeeping.

> > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Long chapter for me. Well, I'm hoping you review, and that my computer actually e-mails them to me. Oh, and I apologize for any typos in this 17th...17th? Yeah, 17th chapter!


	18. Possesed Barney

A/N: Hello all! I learned a new computer trick. Yes, I ain't computer smart.

Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy 7 or 10.

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"What? What do you mean you had the materia all along! Not that we were in any danger, that boss flat-out sucked, but it would've saved us some ing time!" Cid screamed in exasperation at the small old man in charge of Fort Condor.

"Relax, I was going to give it to you as a reward for helping with the condor!" the geezer said.

"But sir, the condor just keeled over and slid down the mountain. He isn't alive anymore anyway," Tidus pointed out.

"Well then, here you go!" The old man took the Huge Materia out of his pocket and handed it to Cid.

"That was easy! All we had to do was kill an easy monster!" Barret said as they walked down the mountainside.

"Speak for yourself. I had to tip the rock and fight! Because of me, we completed the mission!" Tidus argued.

"Fine, Tidus. You were the reason we all still live," Cid sighed as they climbed aboard the airship.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Ugh…what happened?" Aeris got up from the foot of water on the lakebed she had been lying on, although she didn't know that was indeed what it was.

"We're under the lake ice. We all fell a long way," Lulu explained.

"How did we end up here?" Aeris asked.

"You don't remember the monster that made us fall?" Auron asked her as he approached.

"Oh yeah! The yeti thing!" Aeris said, remembering the fight that had taken place with the mutated gorilla. "Wait, how's everyone else?" she wondered aloud.

"Wakka's in shock, but I don't think it's from the fall. His whole belief did just come crashing down, you know. Kimarhi's the same, and Rikku is scared out of her mind. The reason for this, of course, is that Yuna has been out for a while. I must admit, I'm a little bit shaken up too," Lulu said.

"Well, most people would have something wrong with them after falling at least 100 feet. Unless, you're a zombie like Auron," Aeris told her as the three of them went to see the others.

"Heh, zombie…right…like I'm a living dead…" Auron laughed nervously as his eyes shifted to both sides, the way evil geniuses do on bad movies when they think someone is suspicious of their plot.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"You know, I feel like we need to visit Tifa and Cloud. She might've collapsed trying' to take care of him, and he is kinda 'special' at the moment. What do you say?" Cid asked the rest of the crew on the Highwind. They all voted yes, except Yuffie and Tidus, who were in other places at the moment. Yuffie was curled up in some corner in the ship, and Tidus was petting the chocobo they had captured a while ago.

"Then it's settled! To Mideel!" Cid yelled.

"Uh…sir? I'm right here, so could you please not yell while I'm flying?" the student-pilot asked his teacher.

"Fine."

"Thank you sir!" the pilot spun the wheel in a full circle, giving Tidus a mouth full of chocobo feathers and everyone a reason not to go near Yuffie for quite a bit.

"Here we are!" the pilot landed neatly next to the forest containing the second-world village.

They walked through the clinic entryway and saw Tifa sitting next to Cloud's wheelchair.

"Hey Tifa! How ya been?" Barret asked from his spot by the door.

"Meh. Cloud hasn't changed a bit since you left," she explained.

Just then, the ground started to shake heavily. "They…they are coming!" Cloud shouted.

"Who's coming?" Cid yelled back.

"Wha?"

"Damn it! Tifa, you stay here, we'll go check outside!" Cid led them all out the door into the center of the small village. Tidus looked up and saw a demonic purple dinosaur. It closely resembled what he thought a possessed Barney would look like.

"Hey, Cid?" Tidus said cautiously, because he had interrupted Cid's explanation of the Lifestream flood.

"What?"

"Barney's coming."

"Barney? You been narkin' on Vincent's stash, kid?"

Tidus pointed at the Weapon circling above. Cid followed his finger and pulled out his spear and lit a cigarette. Everyone else prepared for battle with the purple dragon too.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Hello?" Yuna woke up from her semi-coma and greeted the others standing around her.

"Yunie! You woke up!" Rikku jumped up joyfully, and then slipped on the water.

"Now what? Yuna's awake, so we can't sit here anymore, can we?" Aeris asked.

"Ah, the temple song. I love it so," Auron gazed wistfully up at the temple above them. Suddenly, the song stopped.

"What happened?" Rikku asked in a panicky voice.

"Sin, ya!" Wakka indicated the monster floating above them.

"Now how did a freakish whale-like thing get under here without anyone noticing?" Aeris wondered.

"The toxin! Watch out!" Lulu shouted.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Please computer, send me my reviews in the mail that the nice readers type!


	19. For the children!

A/N: Hello again!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in here that is already owned by others. Try to remove my story now!

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"For the impressionable youngsters who have been manipulated by this foul demon!" Tidus screamed as he proceeded to slice and/or dice Ultima Weapon.

"Uh, Tidus? That's not really Barney," Cid said. However, Tidus didn't hear and started to blast Weapon with the Fire Materia he had gotten awhile back. Weapon looked down at him, finally noticing him, and blasted Tidus with Ultima Laser, or whatever it's called. The enraged blonde boy fell flat on his face, now needing a phoenix down. Barret tossed one to him, landing it neatly on his back.

Tidus got up and started the whole thing over again. This time though, Barret and Vincent, or the Death Gigas because he had reached his Limit Break, helped out, and they whaled upon the gigantic monster unmercifully.

Finally, Vincent got up, jumped high into the air, and Giga Dunked Weapon. It flew away to go wreak more havoc, leaving the small village where it had received many flesh wounds behind.

Tidus stared in disbelief at Vincent. His next few words described perfectly what he had just seen.

"Vinny got ups!" he shouted.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"What the?"

Aeris picked herself up from the ground and looked around. She was surrounded by san, sand, and more sand. And a giant bird that was about to eat her.

"Ahh!" she ran back a few feet, and then turned to face the monster. They both just hit each other over and over, with Aeris curing herself a few times. Then, a thunderbolt shot down and hit the bird, and Lulu came up beside her.

"Need some help?"

They both started to attack, and after a few more turns, Auron came too.

"Hmph." He ran over to the monster, raised his sword, and rearranged its' internal organs.

"Where's everyone else?" Aeris asked them.

"We don't know," Lulu said.

"C'mon, let's go." Auron walked off in no particular direction, not caring if the other two followed or not.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Man! The earthquake's getting' bigger! Tifa, Cloud, get out of there!" Cid yelled over the rumbling.

"Doctor, shouldn't we move him somewhere else?" Tifa asked.

"Naw, ya think?" the doctor answered sarcastically. "It's just an intense earthquake that could kill us all, so we're going to stay by all the wonderful electric things that could fall over, not to mention the building collapsing. Of course we should move him!"

Tifa was already out the door and didn't hear the rant of the disgruntled doctor.

Tidus looked back at the village. Everything looked more vivid. Then he saw Tifa pushing a wheelchair out in front of her. It was Cloud, obviously. Tidus couldn't help but notice that they too looked sharper, except that their faces looked like they belonged on a Lego person. Then, they were gone.

"Hey Cid?" Tidus yelled hesitantly.

"What Tidus?" Cid shouted.

"I think Tifa and Cloud fell into the Lifestream."

"Seriously? Damn it! C'mon, we gotta fish them out now!"

Tidus ran to where he saw them fall, when he slipped on a wet patch of dirt. He tried to regain his balance, and fell over into the woods. He had also fallen into a small pond of Lifestream.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Man, I'd thought I'd never see you guys again, ya? I mean, first I was ambushed by machina, then I wandered aimlessly, and I couldn't find Yuna, and today really sucks, ya?" Wakka greeted them as he jumped out from his little lean-to.

"It's nice to see you too, Wakka," Lulu said.

"So, have you guys found Yuna?" he asked expectantly.

"Wakka, if we had, you would've been able to see her. It's not like we're hiding her behind our backs or something," Auron told him.

"Oh. That's really depressing, ya? You can kill a person's hope real quick Auron."

"Thank you." Auron bowed to Wakka, who hit him with the blitz ball.

"Let's just keep looking, alright?" Aeris said.

"Fine," they both agreed, Auron getting up from the sand and rubbing his head while doing so.

A little while later, they came across Kimarhi, who was running up a sand dune, sliding back down, and running up again.

"I think he's still in shock," Aeris whispered to Lulu, who nodded in agreement. They all walked over and stopped him before he could walk up again.

"You find Yuna?" he asked hopefully when he saw them.

"No Kimarhi, we haven't found Yuna. Are you okay?" Aeris said.

"Kimarhi go stab whoever take Yuna. Especially if guado Seymour." Kimarhi pulled out his spear and walked off in the other direction.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N:………………………………………………Oh, I'm sorry, I saw a chipmunk. Until next chapter reader people. Now, if you'll excuse me……………………………………...Heh, chipmunk.


	20. An Extremely Magic Carpet Ride

A/N: Beware the chipmunk! Now, as you read this story, I shall try to stop the hemorrhage in my neck!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 10 or 7, or anything else mentioned in here already owned by someone else currently making millions of dollars of it.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tidus looked around at his surroundings. "Lot's a dark around here. Needs some more light. Hey, what's that?"

He propelled himself down to where he saw a pretty green light. He had not learned his lesson yet on the subject of light touching, and was sucked in once more.

"Yeowch!" Tidus screamed as he landed on the edge of something. He picked himself up and looked down to see what he had fallen on.

"Oops. Sorry Cloud," Tidus apologized as he looked down at the squished hero. He gazed up to see where he had fallen from, but was greeted by yet another rather frightening sight.

"Cloud! How'd you get up there! I'm sorry I landed on you, I really am, because you're so much bigger than me, and could crush me like a puny grape…" Tidus groveled. He muttered under his breath an unusually cultured analogy for him as he walked away from Bloated Cloud. "Big Brother is watching me. So this is what that 1984 book must have felt like. Creepy…"

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"Kimarhi! Wait up! I'm leading the way because I know where to go! Not you!" Rikku yelled after the Ronso, making everyone clutch his or her heads in excruciating agony. She hadn't seen them though, and continued on her tirade. "You don't know where Home is! Bikanel Island is _Al-Bhed_ territory, not Ronso!"

"Kimarhi no care about ramblings of annoying brat. Kimarhi go find Yuna, and tune out small girl with showtunes that Kimarhi play in Ronso head."

"What did you just call me!" Rikku shrieked indignantly. She marched after the large, blue cat with revenge on her mind.

"I Popeye the sailing man…" Kimarhi began to sing.

"Should we follow them? I think Kimarhi might impale Rikku on his spear if she keeps that up," Aeris observed.

"You're probably right. She also might explode Kimarhi. Let's go, ya?" Wakka agreed and started to wander his way through the vast desert.

They found Rikku and Kimarhi 10 minutes later sitting on an abandoned machina, taking a rest.

"You guys find her?" Wakka asked.

"No…" they both answered simultaneously.

"Rikku, I want you to get up now and lead us to Home, or I will throw you into the sky and you can point to it from there. Got it?" Auron asked menacingly.

Rikku nodded vigorously and ran off to the east, motioning them to come quickly.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Well, this sucks." Tidus had walked around in the strange place and came back exactly where he started. Circles were hard to follow! Then he heard a weird noise from above, and Tifa fell through onto him.

"Why hello there. I see you're sitting on me," Tidus said in what he imagined as a very pimpical voice.

"Okay, I'll ignore that last comment if you tell me where we are," Tifa said as she got up.

"Why would I know? Ask Cloud. He got really big and shimmery. Or you can ask the complex, small Clouds with issues. They kept me from going anywhere else."

"What? Cloud?"

"You haven't seen him yet? There are four of him, talk to one."

Tifa marched over to a particular Cloud and started to converse with him. Tidus couldn't help but notice that she was talking to him like he was "special". People sometimes talked to him like that. She seemed to nod in understanding and came back over.

"I think we're in his subconscious," she told him.

"You mean that we're in his brain?" Tidus asked.

"Yes, and we need to be really careful about what we do. I want you to stay right there while I go help him solve his past."

"Why are you gonna do that?" he asked.

"Because then he will become much less whiny, and then he'll get over his rage against Sephiroth. Hopefully. What better time to do it when we're already in his thoughts?" she explained.

With that, she walked over to Cloud, talked to him for a little while longer, and then they both set out for a town in the distance. Tidus went and sat in the center, thinking about stuff. While they were looking at Cloud's memories, he would look at his.

For instance the time he got his first kiss. They were on a roller coaster, and "Magic Carpet Ride" was playing in the background. He couldn't remember who the girl was, but a goat came up in the car behind him and said, "Waaaay to go, Tidus."

His response to the goat was, "Thanks prancing goat!"

That was how he thought it happened anyway.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

"Oh no!" Rikku yelled in horror as they reached the top of a particularly high sand dune.

"The Yevonites and Guado are attacking!" Lulu observed.

Rikku ran down the dune to her besieged home, either to stupid to notice if they were coming or not caring if they did. Luckily, they decided to follow.

Aeris was making her way down as fast as she could, being in a dress and all, but tripped and started to roll. She then stood up and kept running, when a quicksand hole sucked her up.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tidus was contentedly humming "Magic Carpet Ride" when Tifa and Cloud came back. Tidus didn't get up from his spot on the ground thinking they were leaving, because they had already come back a couple times before.

"We're done. Cloud has got himself all figured out now," Tifa said. Cloud nodded vigorously and fused himself with the other three to make the real Cloud.

"Great! Now we can leave! Right?" Tidus asked skeptically.

"Yep. Now for us all to leave my trippy brain!" Cloud shouted.

Tidus felt himself floating upward. He looked to his right and saw that Tifa and Cloud were too. Then they started to get smaller. He felt himself going sideways. Then he said something he thought he'd never say.

"Aw damn it!" he swore as things faded out.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Aeris looked around. She could feel grass under her. There was a forest over yonder.

"But we were in a desert," she said to herself. She shrugged and began to walk toward the forest. There were more monsters in the forest, and she could earn more money there. However, when she killed one, it didn't burst into lights. It just, well, died.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tidus did not have quite as peaceful a wake-up as Aeris. The ground was shaking, and he hopped up and looked around. He saw an airship. However, it wasn't the clunker Cid had. This one was sleek and smooth. Like the one he helped excavate.

There were all sorts off people boarding it, so he decided to too. He made his way to the front, and was greeted by some interesting people.

"Tidus? What're you doing on here, ya?" Wakka asked in disbelief. He hadn't forgotten his old blitz buddy.

"Where were you?" Auron questioned.

"I…don't…know…" Tidus said hesitantly.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Cloud walked out of Mideel happy. He had found that he really did kill Sephiroth and could survive a whole sword through the stomach! Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

"Aeris?" he wondered.

Barret walked up behind him a hit the backside of Cloud's head. "Damn man, I thought you stopped hallucinating! We gonna have to talk to Tifa about this."

"But she was right there! She was walking out of the froest with a monster slung over her shoulder!" Cloud protested.

"Sure man. Whatever." Barret walked away as Cloud thought for a minute, shrugged, and followed the large man back to the airship.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A/N: Done! Finished! Complete! Over! The End! Finite! Seriously, it's over. I'll be back as soon as I come up with another idea, which hopefully will be as successful as this one. Until then, I need to beat the freakin' final boss on 9. Shouldn't take too long.


End file.
